


Dating Steve

by AnonEhouse



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Dating, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Humor, Pranks and Practical Jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-09
Updated: 2015-04-09
Packaged: 2018-03-21 23:46:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3707721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonEhouse/pseuds/AnonEhouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony likes to play 'Have you met Steve'. For the sake of American womanhood. He's self-sacrificing, that way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dating Steve

**Author's Note:**

> Based on this AvengerKink [ Prompt](http://avengerkink.livejournal.com/17613.html?thread=41090253#t41090253)

(If you are reading this on any PAY site this is a STOLEN WORK, the author has NOT Given Permission for it to be here. If you're paying to read it, you're being cheated too because you can read it on Archiveofourown for FREE.)

"I tried," Natasha said, over a vodka and tonic. Well, over one of a number of vodka and tonics. She wasn't drunk, but she was relaxed.

Tony sat next to her at the quiet little bar they'd discovered where no one knew your name, or gave a damn. He ate a few peanuts, to soften the blow of the incoming bourbon. "Is he gay? Did you try any guys?"

Natasha shook her head. "Don't think so." She hiccuped and looked a little surprised. "That's the tonic. Good vodka doesn't do that."

Tony nodded and concentrated on not spilling his bourbon on his tie. "So, not gay?"

"No. He's... well, he's got an epic bromance with Sam, you know, but that's just... brotherly. I did all the, you know... interest tests... heart rate, pupil dilation, everything, and it's... it's women for him, all right. He just... won't unbend enough to try." Natasha drank some more. "It's a waste."

Tony nodded. "What does it say for all of us, if Captain America can't get any?" Tony burped and looked at the bourbon. "Not my usual."

Natasha nodded. "I know. It's sad."

Tony had a thought. "Is he just... you know, really, really inexperienced? Like..." Tony made what would have been an obscene gesture if his fingers hadn't missed each other. "Never?"

Natasha looked thoughtful. "He says he's not, but you know..."

"Captain America can actually lie." Tony nodded. "On behalf of deprived American women everywhere, this cannot be allowed to continue!" Tony stood up, and then fell off the barstool. He waved from the floor. "I WILL get Captain America back in the saddle! Or, you know... something like that."

Natasha burped. "Lousy tonic."

 

"Look, Tony, I know you made a bet, but I didn't agree to it," Steve said. He'd come back from a mission, unshaved and with his hair slightly grown out, and Tony had seized upon him with glee, saying that Steve was perfect just the way he was. Only, you know, shower, and change. Go plaid. Go as plaid as you like.

"Come on, I've got five bucks riding on this with Natasha." Tony grinned and it looked weird, because he'd shaved off his beard and he was wearing something... Steve couldn't describe it, other than to say that it looked as if he'd borrowed it from Bruce's wardrobe. Which Tony probably had.

"Fine. I'd hate for you to lose five bucks." Steve went into the bar with Tony. "But it's ridiculous. No one's going to fall for that." Steve had been suspicious and asked JARVIS to track down the source of Tony's 'inspiration' and admitted it was harmless, even though it was stupid.

"Oh, ye of little faith." Tony stood there for a moment, looking the room over, and then nodded. "Follow me." Tony marched up to the bar, with Steve following, and cleared his throat. He tapped a woman on the shoulder. "Excuse me, have you met Steve?" And then Tony slipped back and away, leaving Steve staring into the bemused green eyes of a well-built, very well-built, red-headed woman.

Steve coughed. "I'm sorry, ma'am, I have to apologize for my friend. He watches too much TV. I don't mean to intrude on your evening."

The woman smiled. "It's a slow night. Why don't you sit here, Steve? My name's Colleen." She held out her hand, and of course Steve had to sit and talk with her, it would have been rude not to.

 

Tony met Steve in the elevator the next day. He looked over his sunglasses at Steve. "Well?"

Steve shrugged. "It was a fluke. She thought it was funny and it broke the ice. Nice woman, but you know, neither of us was looking for anything serious. It was a pick up bar, after all."

"Uh huh. What do you want to bet I can't do it again? This time, dress up, you know, shave, solid colors, something that fits well, wear cologne, and we'll try somewhere more upscale."

"You're asking a lot for five bucks."

"Double it! Ten dollars!" Tony grinned. "And I'll pay for dinner."

"All right, you're on." Steve hadn't got where he was by refusing a dare. "But this time, you don't choose the woman."

"Are you accusing me of cheating?"

"If the expensive, Italian-leather shoe fits..."

Tony laughed. "Fine, tell you what, you pick a number and I'll count single women from left or right, or however makes sense, and that'll be the one I introduce you to."

 

This time they went to a decidedly upscale restaurant, with an attached bar where people waited for a table to become free. Tony was wearing a suit, a nice suit, but a plain brown off-the-rack number. Steve had on a navy suit with a red tie; Tony had insisted on red for luck, which didn't make sense, but Steve didn't feel like arguing the point.

"Six," Steve said, once his eyes had adjusted to the light and he had a chance to count the number of unescorted women at the bar. 

"Um hum." Tony started off at a quick pace. "Keep up." 

Steve followed. 

"Have you met Steve?"

The woman Tony tapped on the shoulder turned. She was dark-skinned, with large blue-gray eyes, and wore a bright red trouser set. "That's an old..." She paused. "This is Steve?"

"Yes, ma'am," Steve said, awkwardly. Tony had already fled. "It's a joke, with my friend. He thinks I don't get out enough."

"Hmm. Well, dear, you're delicious, but not my flavor." She got up. "Meet my friend Annabelle. I think you might have something in common." She picked up her drink and patted her seat.

The woman next to her looked up at Steve. She was slender, and pretty in a not spectacular way, but she had the most beautiful smile. "Hello, Steve."

Steve couldn't be rude, could he? He sat down.

 

"Well?" Tony said, ambushing Steve in the elevator again the next day. "Two for two?"

"Technically, no, because the woman you chose introduced me to her friend."

"Well?"

"I'm not going to kiss and tell."

Tony bounced.

"I still don't believe it works." Steve frowned. "They're... SHIELD agents. Or you paid off all the women in the bars."

Tony huffed. "While I have nothing against the time-honored institution of paid companionship, I do not CHEAT. Steve." Tony grabbed him by the shoulders and turned him around to face the reflective surface of the elevator wall. "Steve, Steve, Steve, in a world of hamburger, you, my friend, are prime rib. All I had to do was wave the sizzle under their noses!"

Steve rolled his eyes. "Cut that out. When I want a date, I'll go out and get one for myself. Get to know her, find out whether we're really good for each other."

"Sure." Tony let Steve go. The elevator reached the public lobby and they walked out. As usual, there were a number of people on business, or asking for visitor's passes to the public areas.

Tony clapped Steve on the shoulder and said, loudly, "HEY, HAVE YOU MET STEVE?" and then he ducked Steve's instinctive swing, disappearing back into the elevator before a crowd of women converged on Steve. He pulled out his phone. "Natasha? You owe me five bucks."


End file.
